The National Coalition of Domestic Violence, opens a new window defines domestic violence as "the willing intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or abusive behavior as a part of systemic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another." According to NCDV, "on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men." More statistical facts on domestic violence and the number of occurrences in the United States can be found here, opens a new window.
There are warning signs to domestic violence. Abuse Intervention gives a list of common warning signs, opens a new window of domestic violence and can serve as a possible alert to abusive behavior.
Help Guide , opens a new windowdiscusses the emotional distress that can be a result of domestic abuse by stating:
- You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated
- You are not the cause of your partner's abusive behavior
- You deserve to be treated with respect
- You deserve a safe and healthy life
- Your children deserve a safe and healthy life.
Psychology Today , opens a new windowdiscussed the five steps to prevent domestic violence during quarantine.
There are many nationwide assistance programs for victims of domestic abuse:
The Office of Women's Health has a detailed plan for leaving an abusive relationship that can be accessed here, opens a new window.
The National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence gives a domestic violence personalized safety plan. To see the detailed pdf version of the list that can be printed for future reference, click here, opens a new window.
The Family and Youth Services Bureau lists assistance, opens a new window for cases of domestic abuse.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE. The hotline is 24/7 and all communication is strictly confidential. You can reach the hotline by calling the toll-free number, or chat online by visiting their website, opens a new window.
The National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health has a nationwide list of organizations designed to help in domestic violence cases. The website can be accessed here by clicking here, opens a new window.
Safe Homes Domestic Violence Center has a 24 hr crisis hotline, 706-736-2499 or toll free at 1-800-799-SAFE. Safe Homes also has emergency shelters, legal advocacy, support group, counseling services, and safety planning.
Break the Cycle inspires and supports ages 12-24 to build healthy relationships and create a culture without abuse. Break the Cycle can be accessed by clicking here, opens a new window.
St. Tammany Parish has assistance programs for domestic abuse:
St. Tammany Parish Sheriff Office has a 24 hour domestic violence crisis line 1-888-411-1333. If it is an emergency, dial 911, opens a new window.
Safe Harbor, a local community organization designed to assist with cases of domestic violence, has a 24 hour crisis line: 985-626-5740 or toll-free at 888-411-1333.
Shelters in St. Tammany Parish and surrounding parishes for victims of domestic violence can be accessed by clicking here, opens a new window.
Southeast Louisiana Legal Services provides free civil legal aid to low income people in 22 parishes throughout southeast Louisiana. To apply for legal assistance, call 1-844-244-7871.
The 22nd Judicial Court provides the legal process of getting a restraining/protective order in St. Tammany and Washington Parishes. Forms for restraining/protective orders can be found by clicking here, opens a new window.
The State of Louisiana assistance programs for domestic abuse:
The Louisiana statewide domestic violence hotline is free, confidential, and available 24 hours at 1-888-411-1333. Their website can be accessed at: https://lcadv.org/, opens a new window.
WomensLaw.org has state resources, opens a new window on shelters, locating an attorney, courthouse locations, and sheriff departments.
In addition, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has a domestic violence facts sheet for the State of Louisiana that can be accessed by clicking here, opens a new window.
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, remember you are not alone! There are assistance programs and people who care.
Due to the sensitive nature of this subject, this discussion is strictly informational and is not meant to replace consultation with legal, social, medical, and mental health authorities.
References:
Abusive Intervention. Common Signs of Domestic Violence https://abuseintervention.org/sandbox77/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Common-Warning-Signs-of-Domestic-Violence.pdf, opens a new window
Break the Cycle: Because Everyone Deserves a Healthy Relationship. https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/it%E2%80%99s-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month, opens a new window
Help Guide. How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm, opens a new window
National Coalition of Domestic Violence https://ncadv.org/learn-more, opens a new window
National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence http://www.ncdsv.org/images/DV_safety_plan.pdf, opens a new window
Women's Health. Domestic Violence https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/signs-domestic-violence, opens a new window
Domestic Violence, opens a new window
Please note: Due to the sensitive nature of this subject, the following information includes content that may be upsetting or unsuitable for some readers. If you need more information about getting any of the items on this list, please contact your nearest St. Tammany Parish Library reference librarian. In order to bring you new and interesting titles, Hoopla content is updated monthly, and some titles on this list may not be available in the future. To find the latest titles, please visit hoopladigital.com.
"Of the 87,000 women killed globally in 2017, more than a third (30,000) were killed by an intimate partner, and another 20,000 were killed by a family member. In the US, that rate is 2.5 women killed by their partner every day. These statistics tell us something that's almost impossible to grapple with: it's not the monster in the dark women should fear, but the men they fall in love with. In not only a searing investigation, but a dissection of how that violence can be enabled and reinforced by the judicial system we trust to protect us . . . " This title is also available as an ebook from St. Tammany Parish Library's Hoopla service.
"journalist Rachel Louise Snyder gives context for what we don't know we're seeing. She frames this urgent and immersive account of the scale of domestic violence in our country around key stories that explode the common myths - that if things were bad enough, victims would just leave; that a violent person cannot become nonviolent; that shelter is an adequate response; and, most insidiously, that violence inside the home is a private matter, sealed from the public sphere and disconnected from other forms of violence. Through the stories of victims, perpetrators, law enforcement, and reform movements from across the country, Snyder explores the real roots of private violence, its far-reaching consequences for society, and what it will take to truly address it. "
"Herself a victim of an abusive relationship, Probasco recounts how one out of every four women in the United States will experience some form of domestic violence or abuse in her lifetime. She takes readers through a step-by-step process for moving from victim to survivor to overcomer. Each chapter encourages the reader to call it what it is, understand the mindset of the abuser, break the cycle of violence, recognize what forgiveness is and is not, find a healthy support system, and more." This title is also available as an ebook from St. Tammany Parish Library's Hoopla service.
"In this brave and beautiful memoir . . . a woman chronicles how her marriage devolved from a love story into a shocking tale of abuse - examining the tenderness and violence entwined in the relationship, why she endured years of physical and emotional pain, and how she eventually broke free."
"Based on over a decade of clinical and domestic abuse research, 'Women with Controlling Partners' will help you identify the coercive constraints that can be predictive of intimate partner abuse, recognize the harmful effects of psychological abuse on your mental and physical health, and gain the personal strength and power to break free. Using the author's three-stage recovery model, you'll be empowered to move out of denial, deconstruct what holds you psychologically captive, and take back your life. Abuse can be devastating, and having a controlling partner can make you feel crazy - and as if you're the one responsible. But you're not crazy, and you're not to blame!" This title is also available as an ebook from St. Tammany Parish Library's Hoopla service.
"When a man showers all of his attention on a woman, it can feel incredibly romantic, and can blind her to hints of problems ahead. But what happens when that attentiveness becomes domination? For certain people, the desire to control leads to jealousy, threats, micromanaging - even physical violence. Lisa Aronson Fontes draws on both professional expertise and personal experience to provide practical guidance and support for readers who find themselves trapped in a web of coercive control. Understanding this destructive pattern and why it occurs is the first step toward repairing or ending a relationship that has become toxic. Readers get vital tools for determining if they are in danger and if their partner can change - and for getting their freedom back."
"The author tells the story of her and her mother's escape from an abusive, fanatical Iranian father when she was six, as well as how she lived her subsequent life under the shadow of fear of her menacing father, and eventually was healed by her faith in God." Mahtob Mahmoody is the daughter of Betty Mahmoody, author of 'Not Without My Daughter,' which is also available from St. Tammany Parish Library.
"An estimated 80 percent of domestic abuse victims remain silent, suffocated by fear and relentless self-doubt. For Taylor, it was the threat of financial ruin and finding herself alone with her young daughter that kept her tethered to her volatile husband. But after a ferocious roundhouse punch from Russell fractured her face, resulting in reconstructive surgery, she finally made the brave decision to walk away from a man she loved and a legacy of physical abuse that she first encountered as a child and that haunted her throughout her adulthood."
"the tools you need to triumph over verbal abuse, no matter where or how you encounter it. She'll introduce you to a powerful healing process and provide: A thorough review of available therapies; Strategies for dealing with abusers; Positive messages of support and encouragement; Inspiring affirmations for every week of the year."
"The television news anchor recalls how her faith helped her rebuild her life after being in an abusive marriage, and provides advice for others in similar circumstances."
"You're getting hurt over and over again, so should you stay or should you go? Every relationship has problems, but you can't figure out if yours is beyond hope. How bad is too bad - and can your man really change? . . . Lundy Bancroft, the author of 'Why Does He Do That?,' and women's advocate JAC Patrissi offer a way for you to practically and realistically take stock of your relationship and move forward."
"learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life. In two all-new chapters, Evans reveals the Outside Stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse-and shows you how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the Levels of Abuse that characterize this kind of behavior - from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode your self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse. Drawing from hundreds of real situations suffered by real people just like you, Evans offers strategies, sample scripts, and action plans designed to help you deal with the abuse - and the abuser.
"reveals how those who have been emotionally abused can overcome the past and rebuild their self-image."
"Takes you inside the violent, devastating world of abusive love. Conor said love and rage danced intimately together in his psyche. Why didn't Leslie leave? Had she fallen into love - or into a psychological trap?" Three years after the publication of this book, Leslie Morgan Steiner presented the TEDxRainier talk, "Why Domestic Violence Victims Don't Leave" (Look above in this list for a link to this talk.)
"In April 2002, Janine Latus's youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer: If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me . . . That same spring Janine was struggling to leave her marriage. A marriage to a handsome and successful man. A marriage others emulated. A marriage in which she could do nothing right and everything wrong. Ten weeks later, Janine had left her marriage and Amy had gone missing . . ." This title is also available as an audiobook on CD and as a downloadable audiobook from St. Tammany Parish Library's OverDrive/Libby service.
"Learn simple self-defense techniques to help prevent sexual assault, assault at gunpoint, assault at knifepoint, domestic violence and more. Taught by a woman for women."
"More than two-thirds of abused women have children, and the overwhelming majority of those children witness one or more incidents of violence. And that number would be even greater if we include children who have watched their mothers be verbally abused and intimidated. Studies have shown that children's exposure to domestic abuse is linked to virtually every category of emotional and behavioral problems. 'When Dad Hurts Mom' offers comfort, understanding, and a concrete plan of action to any woman concerned about the distress being caused to her children by her angry, controlling, or abusive partner. Written for mothers, this book aims to enlighten women about the effects of abuse on children, how an abusive partner distorts familial relationships, and what can be done about it."
"Crime-prevention tips from a veteran investigator. Using actual case studies from his own career, Det. Michael Varnado advises women on how to avoid becoming a 'soft target' for violent predators."
"a domestic violence expert uses his perspective as a therapist for abusive and controlling men to help women, their children, and other family members who have been touched by abuse understand why abusers behave the way they do and what can be done about it. He teaches women how to survive and improve an abusive relationship; how to determine how dangerous an abuser is and when it is impossible to rectify a situation; and how to get out of a relationship safely."
